The Tragedy of Many Elderly Migrants Overseas

I came to America, as I said, very late compared to many of my comrades, and my dear friends have always been scattered to one place, and here, within fifty square miles or a few hundred miles, I single no friends. Every day, in addition to weeding the back garden, picking up leaves first, and taking my four grandchildren to school, I can only walk, look at the hills and mountains one after another in this city to dream of my hometown’s mountains and forests, where but for decades my teammates and I have lived together, sometimes arduous, and sometimes very poetic. And then in a random case, I met Uncle Thuy, a lonely Vietnamese, just as lost in this place as I was.
It’s also a habit like where I used to live, whenever I meet someone who I guess is from my country, I don’t hesitate to come and get acquainted, and my first question is usually ‘Can you speak Vietnamese? are not? ”
If the person answered that they were Vietnamese, I would be happy to ask. I know Uncle Thuy in a similar situation.
Since that meeting, I used to come to him every weekend or when he called me, and he always started with the sentence “they’re all gone”, you mean all the kids have gone to work. . Our friendship has grown closer since then, he told me about 12 years in the army, serving in a Military Intelligence unit, operating in the territory of I Corps, being wounded many times, but always luckily passed. The uncle who came to the US was not a HO, because at the time he was released, the Foreign Affairs Office of the Ho Chi Minh City police at 161 Nguyen Du, District I, was still closed, so he crossed the border and was arrested until he was arrested. HO program was implemented, I was still in prison, so I came to the US under the Reunion program, my daughter sponsored the couple, so I didn’t receive any benefits from the US Government like the HO status. are surrounded by relatives.

During his stay in Vietnam, he went to teach, as well as before encouraging him to be a famous Physics Professor in Saigon, the teacher’s salary was not good, but it was enough for him and his wife to live temporarily. Every day, especially when he was invited by the Ly specialized centers to collaborate, he taught in the morning, afternoon and evening. Besides, every year, his children send a few hundred dollars on Tet holiday, the couple saves to buy. one or five cents of gold to be used for future funerals, until 2003, my daughter wrote a letter informing me that she had filed a guarantee for her parents, and I had no hope, because of time. Waiting seems to be too tiring, even though he is old, he can only find two meals everywhere, so he and his wife almost didn’t think about leaving, until 2006, he was called to supplement first, then at the end of that year, I was interviewed, according to me, maybe because my daughter’s income is high, they gave it away quickly and then in early April 2007 I was able to go to the US under the family reunification scheme, but so far, you still only Eligible for the US Citizenship test.

The first time living with children was very fun, because it was new, the feelings were new, everything was new and new was still fun,* then slowly I was introduced by an acquaintance to work as an assembler for an electrical company death, salary $ 10 / hour, the elderly couple is really happy, every weekend the two grandparents go to WaltMart or Target to buy clothes and toys for their grandchildren, but then the economy is getting worse and worse, after nearly two years as an assembler, I lost my job, there was no way to get another job, and if young people haven’t applied for a job, it’s not easy for a 63-year-old man like me to find a job, so I have to ask for unemployment career, and enjoy unemployment for two years, during this time, he said, he was very sad, all day long he and his wife wished for their two grandchildren to come home from school to play with their grandchildren to relieve their sadness, then just go to the front yard and back yard, wife Husbands compete to pick grass, water plants, or go up the hill to collect beautiful stones to bring back to line the rose bushes for the rest of the time.

He also actively participates in activities of associations, such as the Association of the Elderly, the Association of SQ/TBTD, but then the unemployment allowance has run out, and the difficulty for him now is money for gas, he doesn’t know who to ask. twenty dollars to buy gas, he said, sometimes suddenly craving a bowl of pho, but there’s no way he can get it, “Do you know sometimes, I can’t sleep at night just thinking about the smell of coriander and cinnamon leaves. I can’t sleep and always thining a bowl of pho, I can’t sleep, I crave sugar like I was in a prison camp”.
Human affection seems to be very fragile, not strong, and very fragile, from the love of husband and wife, between father and son or brother, and poverty is the most serious threat to affection. The ancients also said that “wealth gives birth to courtesy, poverty gives birth to thieves”, what people say “money is like chalk earth, is like heaven “, is it just in the moral scriptures or books? only of the Holy Spirit. *There is no money, all principles are forgotten, all ethics are redundant, and all emotions are lost.* Especially in a society where every platform is based on profit as a standard.
Children staying at their parents’ house is a happiness for parent, parents staying at children’s home is patient and self-sacrificing. It’s natural for children to live with their parents, but parents who live with their children are sad, because they always have to Look at their children’s faces, behaviour,and their moods. Parent also have to choose when the children are happy, if parent want to open the Television to watch music, Parent also have to take care of grand children picking them from school , cooking meal for children and grand children ..sometimes parent got upset from children , they can only hide their tears away . Rarely, they give a few hundred dollars on certain occasions and consider it as a blessing they give
Children at their parents’ house are happy. One morning he called me to his house, showed me a piece of paper his daughter wrote on the table for him, I picked it up and read it.
Under this law, the landlord has the right to call the police to force the tenant to leave, if the owner has notified the tenant twice by mail. You don’t pay the rent, but I also treat you like a tenant, this is the second time I’m asking you to move out, don’t force me to call the police.”
I read this far, suddenly tears welled up in my eyes, he looked at me and sobbed loudly, he also burst into tears. I hugged his shoulders and said, “Don’t worry, there’s no such thing as a law, if she calls the police, you can say she mistreats the elderly, your kids are just scaring you.” And then he started telling me the whole story.
At first, it was rice, they complained, “other family only costs two bags of rice a year, why does our family have one bag a month?” I opened the cassette and sat outside in the garage listening to music, it was hot outside the garage, I opened the side door. let the air in to cool down, she closed the door and complained I let the door open ,the mouse would run into the house. I understood that she did not want to waste electricity, so I turned off the cassette and entered the house.
You also know, the old people are only with the TV as a friend, but my daughter scolded me in the face and said if you don’t know how to use it, don’t use it,
Every day, they come home late from work, sometimes they don’t come home at 7:30 or 8:00 at night, and I try to eat early so that I don’t meet them during the meal,just to fill our stomach, their food We did not dare to touch, my wife waited for them to finish their meal, what was left she would eat, we only dared to eat the leftovers. The daily jobs in the house such as cleaning, washing dishes, picking up the grandchildren, we all do, but she told me that his poor husband had to work hard to feed us .On holidays, or weekends, their family and children go out to eat. In the early years when the youngest grandchild was at home ,my children also called my wife to go out and eat with them, and on New Year’s holidays also they gave my wife gifts. , but since the youngest grandchild was grown, they ignored us and later they became cold with us , my wife was so sad that she had to find a babysitting place in another state

He took out another letter from under his pillow and gave it to me, he said that the letter did not have a bit of humanity, to admit that I did not dare to read it all, but in my mind, these lines still imprinted in my mind: “If someone else’s father die, their children will cry and sad but if you die I will breathe a sigh of relief. I really don’t want to ask you to come to America, just because it’s imperative, Dad, please move out so that there is a little bit of self-respect left.” That is the words that his daughter wrote in the letter

I also ask myself, where is he going now? Not even a dollar in his pocket, no relatives and no friends , where would he go ? when his is not a US citizen yet, how can he apply for benefits and supports from Government ? I have to comfort him, just rest assured, the important thing now is to be patient, just accept it like the day you were arrested by Communist , how did the Viet Cong tortured you, humiliated you, now, with your daughter, you close your eyes and ears again and then slowly let it go and you don’t feel pain
An old man with grey hair, pale skin, and slow mobility , it is difficult to get a job in a country filled with competition.
I know there are many voluntary agencies and organisations, willing to receive people in need, but with his situation, there is really no organisation that can help, because there is no organisation that has a house, food and clothing to provide for him at this time, especially during the economic downturn, the budgets of agencies, education, health or social … are all cut. And I only have one way to go, that is to take him to the Department of Social Affairs, to apply for an EBT card (Electronic Benefits Transfer), which means that every month, the Department of Social Affairs puts in the EBT card $200 USD for him to buy food, rice, vegetables, fish, meat, drink , fruit…

After receiving the EBT card, he immediately asked the social worker if he could buy food right away? And what kind of food he was eligible to buy? The Social Worker looked at me because she did not understand, I translated his words and added that he had not eaten since yesterday until now. The Social worker asked permission to leave for a while, then returned with her lunch to give to the him. Indeed, I was also moved to tears when I said that to the broker. It is true that A slice of bread when hungry is worth a whole loaf when full, he bowed his head to thank the Social Worker but felt like crying.
I took him to the grocery store to teach him how to use the EBT card. His first trial purchase was 2 loaves of bread and 2 boxes of Sardines, then he and I went to Parking and got in the car and ate canned fish with bread.
I really don’t know what was his thoughts,but his feelings I know it was really strong and burning, his tears have fallen heavily and he used up all the tissue boxes in my car, I sat still for him to cry and thought about me, I would not know my future situation would repeat like his current situation? In this strange country, the elderly become a burden for their children, those who have been forgotten or expelled from their families, and no matter how benevolent society is, it is difficult to cope with the number of old people increasing daily.
Once I took him for a lung check-up, I waited for him in the waiting room for a long time, and when he returned with a young Vietnamese doctor , this doctor took out 3 notes of 20 dollars and said “I only have that much of cash left, but I have an empty room in this building, there is a Microwave, call me when you need it, remember that we are still here to help you .He turned to and said please look after this Uncle , all migrated elderly were suffering an unhappy life and pain when moving here. ”

Before coming to the US, he sold his house, collected his money , he gave it all to his children, now if he goes back to his country , he has no house to live in, and does not knows what to do as a plan or make a living, because of old age, how to get a job, not to mention other troubles from society, it’s a dilemma, he confided.
One afternoon, I went to see him, witnessed his small lunch and i was heartbreaking, a cup filled with Oat Meal, poured into a large bowl, filled with hot water stirred about 2 minutes, wait to cool and eat, without any seasoning or toppings
He said that since he got the EBT card, he no longer has to worry about the lack of seasonings ,the doctor said it’s not good to eat salty foods.

Do you eat like this every day?
– Yes, that’s all, I don’t need anything more, just a small room, enough to put a bed, but my life is really miserable, but actually I don’t want to live long, live life, life is not happy, death is not sad, the reason why I still go to the doctor is because I am afraid of pain, just like I do not have the courage to commit suicide, still dying, I think very peacefully I have no regrets in life, I just want to die quickly and painlessly, that’s my only wish left.

Uncle confided that sometimes, he wanted to hug his grandchildren a little, but it was very difficult, because they were afraid of their mother’s screams, sometimes older children and grandchildren sneaked into his room, putting their fingers on their lips as a sign to tell him to be quiet. , sat with him for a while
run out. Sometimes when they entered his room, his mother knew that she scolded them immediately. Grandpa and grandson met each other like visiting a reformed prison, what a rare special circumstance.
Listening to her recount, I had to find a way to comfort her, tell her about my destructive grandchildren, everything in my room was arranged in a certain pattern every day, my computer was loaded with “comp’s” games. Grandpa is easier to use, I like the games in Grandpa’s comp more” so my computer is busy for a long time, except when they go to school. So playing with you is not necessarily happy, bro.
Uncle told me the meals with soy sauce were very touching. At first, he asked me: “Have you ever sucked soy sauce”? I replied that I do not understand what you mean.

You know, in those days, sometimes I really crave rice paper with black sesame, or white rice and soy sauce, but it must be soy sauce, enough for me to eat without fear. The nights I couldn’t sleep, I longed for a loaf of bread from Vons market to eat, I craved the aroma of the bread that had not yet cooled, or the pounding had cooled down, I craved the sweetness of the cake when chewed. on the tip of his tongue, craving to salivate.
Listening to you tell me, I really couldn’t help but think about my time in prison and re-education, I also once craved to eat a full meal of tapioca, and only dreamed of the day I was released, I would tell him. My wife bought me tapioca for me to eat a meal to satisfy my craving.

I drove him to the address to meet the owner, the hostess received us and asked:
– Do you ask for rent  or this uncle please?
– I, you quickly replied.
The owner led us to the old man’s room, she said that the old man had forgotten everything, needed to help him eat, defecate, urinate, change clothes, and bathe him. All activities of the old man need help, especially at night, the old man often wakes up and wanders around the house alone, at such times he needs someone beside him, in case he falls. Many times the old man defecated, urinated in his pants without knowing it. And she asked:
– Can you help my father? Or do you try for a few days, because someone accepts the job, but one or two days later, you quit because you can’t stand the old man’s temper.
– No, I can do it, I like old people and children very much, you just let me do it.

– Yes, do you have a driver’s license for me to see?
I took my driver’s license and gave it to the owner, she checked it and gave it back to me, she said, my father weighs 65 kg Don’t know if you can handle it, try it for a few days, if it doesn’t work, I still calculate salary for uncle.
Monthly salary is $800, accommodation and meals included, one day off per week, preferably Saturday, the bed inside belongs to my father, uncle is on the outside. The food you cook every day is stored in the refrigerator or on the stove, you can eat whatever you want, just eat it naturally.
Every day, my father takes 12 drugs, eats lunch, afternoon and morning. My dad drinks coffee, when you make it, let it cool before giving it to him, because he likes to stir the coffee with his fingers and then suck it. Medicine, I will write the name, dose, time to take it on the table, I will give it to my father to take it on time.

After the landlord and uncle finished discussing the work, I drove him home, scheduled to start work next Monday. At first he seemed very happy because he had found a job, but after a while, I saw him crying, he seemed to be out of breath every hour, so I was afraid so I found a way to take him to a roadside shop, park his car. back and ask him:
– Why are you sad?
– People hire someone to take care of their father, and I get kicked out of the house to clean people’s ass, do you think it’s sad?
After saying this, I cried again. I sat quietly so that he could cry until his emotions were gone, then told him that each person has a destiny, a long life, and a sadness to bear, no one can have complete happiness, only the 83-year-old man Only then will he be truly happy, because he has forgotten everything, has ceased to know everything.

Being a parent, being loved by children, and having a harmonious family are of course a good thing, . The pain of being abandoned or rejected by children is not necessarily greater than the pain of seeing your child indifferent to his parents, I wonder if you think like me?
It’s summer now, scattered here and there, on the wild hills around my house have sprouted a few bunches of wildflowers, yellow like chrysanthemum flowers, reminding me more of my hometown, like autumn day in the mountains and highlands. , the wild Anemone bushes also bloom in the same way on the hillsides, and the more I think of the reconnaissance officer now, not in battle, or taking care of an unlucky comrade, but taking care of a old man lost his mind…

Written by DU TU