Nursing homes and the elderly – 2 cultural extremes of East and West

In one incident, an Asian old man and a European old man sat down to chat and talk. And because  the culture is different, everyone’s point of view is not the same, their dialogue really makes people think…

Nursing homes and the elderly

Asian old man: My child is so unfilial!

Old man Europe: What happened?

Asian old man: He dared to ask me: “Do you want to go to a nursing home?”.

Old man Europe: The nursing home is very good, I live there too.

Asian Old Man: You’re not joking are you? Can you live in places like that?

Old European: Why not?

Asian old man: That place is only for the lonely and helpless old people. I have decent children and grandchildren, but I have to go there to live, I will make fun of everyone, then I will suffer and lose my life.

Old European man: Isn’t that right? At a certain age, living in a nursing home is very convenient, how can people be ridiculed?

Asian old man: I think that when we come of age, we should live with our children and grandchildren to be taken care of by them. Living in a nursing home is very lonely and lonely, isn’t it pitiful?

Everyone has their own life

Old European man: Do you want to live with your children? I live with my son for only 2 weeks and I can’t stand it.

Asian old man: Living with children and grandchildren is so much fun, how can it be difficult?

Old man Europe: My son is 18 years old when he has to go out and live on his own. When he comes back to play for a few days, I am very welcome, but if he stays here for a long time, and even brings his wife and children back, my life will be turned upside down.

Asian old man: I really can’t understand you Westerners, why did you come so accidentally? His son was still young, but he let him go out on his own, and even let him borrow money to pay for school fees. No wonder why you have to live in a nursing home at the end of your life!

Old man Europe: He is 18 years old, he is an adult and needs to be independent. As for borrowing money to pay for school fees, it’s a personal decision, let’s let the kids learn to take control of their lives. Moreover, they also need to have privacy, you should give them a space of their own.

Asian old man: You Westerners are strange, this can’t work, it can’t do that. Shouldn’t it be “okay” to just let the children live on their own, then live in a nursing home?

Old European man: I have my life, my child has his own. I live in a nursing home and also have a lot of friends, when in trouble, there are experts to help. We need a comfortable and free life.

What is the gratitude for giving birth?

Asian old man: Your words sound so liberal. Even if he only raised his child until he was 18 years old, after all, he is married and has grown up, is it time to repay his parents’ gratitude?

Old European man: Retribution? What response?

Asian old man: Of course, welcome him back to live with him, so that he can enjoy the last days of his life. But unfortunately, he is in a nursing home again… It seems that his son and daughter-in-law are too comfortable, not having to bear any responsibility for their parents.

Old man Europe: What responsibility? My child has no responsibility at all.

Asian old man: No responsibility? If you were sick, wouldn’t your child need to take you to the hospital?

Old man Europe: If I get sick, the nursing home will take me to the hospital.

Asian old man: If you have to go to the hospital and need someone to take care of, wouldn’t that person be your child?

Old man of Europe: We Europeans do not have the concept of children having to be taken care of in the hospital. My kids just come to visit and I’m happy.

Asian old man: If you can’t pay the hospital bills, don’t you need to worry about your children?

Old European man: We stay in the hospital for free, no charge.

Asian old man: Well, it seems that your children don’t need to take you to the hospital, nor do they need to take care of the medicine. Did they give you money?

Old European man: What money? Why give money?

Asian Old Man: That’s how they show their filial piety to you.

Old European man: No, no, no… I don’t need my children to give me money. Their money is to feed their children, to pay off loans, and if they have more, they can travel. They can take care of themselves, I’m happy, but I don’t need their money.

Is taking care of grandchildren the responsibility of the elderly?

European old man: What does raising children and old age mean? I gave birth because I love children, I never expected them to take care of me at the end of my life. Now my son and daughter-in-law are at the stage of building a career, need to work hard, need to be independent to be able to enjoy life.

Asian old man: I also love my son very much, I also understand that when he builds a career, it is very hard. That’s why I take care of their children. How much I sacrificed for them like that, in the end they want me to go to a nursing home.

Old man Europe: Do you still take care of their children? Unbelievable.

Asian old man: Why can’t you believe it?

Old man Europe: Taking care of children is their parents’ job, what does that have to do with us elderly?

Asian old man: My children have to work to earn money, I’m retired anyway, so I should help them out a bit.

Old man of Europe: We have been wandering all our lives. When we are old, it is time to rest. Why don’t you enjoy this time and go on vacation, drink coffee, play football, read books, do the things you like?

Asian old man: If I don’t help them take care of their children, how will they manage?

Old European man: We need to have our own lives. We have raised our children, babysitting is not our responsibility. He did so many things for his children and grandchildren, seemingly without a life of his own, is it all just for someone to take care of in his old age?

Perhaps after watching the dialogue between the old man of Europe and Asia above, it will more or less make us think. It is true that two different cultures have fostered in them two completely different views.

However, whether the West or the East, no matter how different, there are similarities that our childhood needs to remember:

The elderly also want their lives to be cherished. Whether or not parents live with their children and grandchildren, parents still need their own space: To go out for a walk, breathe in the fresh air, or sometimes meet old friends to spend time together. As a child, you should understand and cherish these precious moments.

Children need to repay their birth, which is a moral value and also a beautiful cultural feature of Eastern people. But is “money” a measure of filial piety? In the Confucian classics, the word Hieu is summarized in three things: “Great filial piety is to honor one’s parents, the second is not to do anything to cause scandal to the parents, and the last is to nurture them” . Therefore, there is no need to give money or money, but always respect and serve parents with a sincere heart, that is already a filial son.

For the sake of their children, parents have sacrificed their whole lives, looking forward to having children and grandchildren reunited to make them happy in the last years. However, have you ever suddenly realized that we are turning that “joy” into the “responsibility” of the elderly? Have we ever been so engrossed in our fame and career that we entrust all the housework to our parents?

Everyone has their own life, let the old days of parents be the most beautiful and warm days of love…